The Jurassicmare Before Parksmas
by Lord Kristine
Summary: The only thing scarier than Halloween are the implications of this nightmare.
1. Part One

Claire Dearing was just about to staple a set of forms together when a yellow dragon burst into her office and sent papers flying everywhere with a single beat of her wings. Claire's jaw dropped as her desk was blanketed with a hundred different documents, all overlapping in a disorganized mess. She gave the winged reptile a glare that was borderline homicidal.

"This had better be important."

The dragon nodded emphatically.

"I promise, it is. It's SO important, in fact, that we have NO time to lampshade the fact that you're a Stegoceratops and I'm a dragon and we live in a FanFiction world that barely resembles the source material at this point. That, and the fact that we are aware of our aforementioned situation, will never be explained."

"You literally just did."

She shrugged.

"Regardless, I've decided that this year's Halloween short will be based on The Nightmare Before Christmas."

"Okay . . ."

"People always joke about the fact that the story has two holidays in its premise, but really, it's a Halloween movie, and anyone who thinks otherwise is stupid and dumb and probably smells bad."

"Yeah, alright, but why-"

"So I was thinking that we could be stop motion for a while. I've already given you the role of Sally, since you're a hybrid-type character. We can put stitches between the stegosaurus and triceratops parts of you, which will be a funny visual gag."

"That sounds horrifying."

"Everyone is gonna be animated, which means the dinosaur characters are gonna look like Phil Tippett's wet dream."

"I'm starting to think that this is a one-sided conversation on your end . . ."

"Do Stegoceratops-ghosts say 'Moo' or 'Boo'? . . . Maybe 'Bmoo'? . . . Moob? . . ."

Claire sighed and pushed her chair away from the desk, gathering the papers that had landed on the carpet.

"I'd like to help you, Elkay. Really, I would. Trouble is, my ACTUAL job requires a lot of attention, so I can't spend much time entertaining your bizarre escapades."

"Is this because I freaked you out yesterday by polishing a window and inadvertently creating a sound reminiscent of the theme from Psycho, a gag which can only be executed in a medium with auditory features?"

Claire gave her a long, serious look.

"Are you done inserting sloppy jokes into the narrative?"

"That was my last one. I couldn't find a way to bring it up organically."

"You don't say."

Elkay sighed, ears drooping.

"Can I really not count on you to help me this Halloween?"

Claire shook her head.

"I know you enjoy holidays, Elkay, but sometimes the fate of the world takes precedence over tradition. When I say 'sometimes', I mean 'always', by the way. It's more or less important to make sure that the world doesn't end."

Sulking, the dragon lumbered towards the door.

"I don't like having to choose between celebrating Halloween alone and perishing in flame."

Claire rolled her eyes.

"Well, strictly speaking, Elkay, there's nothing preventing you from bothering someone ELSE with these requests."

The dragon perked up immediately, ears pricked and tail wagging.

"You're right! The last time I had to deal with a stuffy Queen who didn't want to do a Halloween crossover, I just celebrated the holiday with my adoptive sister, Raven."

Claire paused. She turned around slowly and gave the dragon a look of sympathy.

"Oh, Elkay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up . . ."

"What do you mean?" she asked, cocking her head obliviously.

Claire bit her lower beak.

"Elkay, haven't you heard?"

"About the bird?"

"No, Elkay, I'm serious."

"That the bird is the word?"

Claire's face pulled into a scowl.

"No, Elkay!"

"Then what-"

"Raven is dead!"

***TJBP***

Sure enough, Raven had been murdered only two days prior. Her body had since been removed from the bedroom of the haunted mansion that served as her residence, though the same could not be said of the blood that stained the surrounding carpet. Having flown to the scene of the crime immediately after her conversation with Claire, Elkay found that she was uncharacteristically disturbed by the morbid sight, on top of being troubled that it had taken so long for the news to reach her. She closed her eyes and let out a long breath.

"I should have come sooner."

"That's alright. I know you're not generally aware of the people around you. Kind of surprised you didn't hear about a literal murder, though."

"Well, I've been tuning out these kinds of things. It's almost Halloween, as you know, so there's been talk of murder in a fictional context . . . erm, you know what I mean."

Raven stared at the bloodstained bedsheets.

"I never thought I'd die in a haunted house."

"Maybe that's why you became a ghost."

"Just following in my mentor's ectoplasm trail, I suppose."

Another ghost, elderly in appearance, rose through the floor.

"Darling, I haven't produced slime at ANY point after death. It's the Living who secrete mucus and other bodily fluids."

Raven sighed and sat on the bloody bed. The image of her legs sunk deep into the fabric, nearly disappearing. She wasn't used to recreating what had come so naturally in life.

"Madame, I don't think I'll like being a ghost. I don't have anything against the dead, exactly, but . . . I thought I'd live longer, I guess."

The woman sat beside her poor student, patting her shoulder sympathetically.

"We ALL do, pumpkin. But I know how hard it is."

Raven nodded calmly, but suddenly, she burst into tears and covered her face.

"Does this mean I can't be a witch?"

The old ghost clicked her tongue.

"Oh, sweetheart, you can still learn to be a witch. How do you think I was able to teach you so well? Sure, being dead has its drawbacks, but you can still use a wand, my dear."

She sobbed.

"I tried picking it up, but I couldn't!"

"It takes practice."

Elkay snapped her claws.

"Exactly. Have you ever seen 'Ghost'? Patrick Swayze was unable to pick up objects because he died. Before that, however, he starred in a movie where he played a ghost who possessed Whoopi Goldberg to touch his girlfriend, and then they made a dildo out of clay or something."

The two ghosts gave her a questioning look. She batted her eyes.

"Should I stop helping?"

Raven stood up and floated across the room.

"I appreciate the effort. I'm just having trouble coming to terms with the fact that my life has ended."

Elkay closed her eyes and nodded solemnly.

"You may be surprised to hear that I've died more than once in my lifetime, though it wasn't as permanent as your situation. Whenever I die, I try to envision my killer being brought to justice. Makes me feel better."

Raven bit her lip.

"I don't know . . . It's kind of painful to think about what he . . . what happened."

Elkay rubbed her chin.

"You know, Raven, it might be a good idea to persecute the murderer . . . for what I hope are obvious reasons."

Raven shrunk away uncomfortably.

"Elkay, I don't know if I can."

"Why not?"

"Because . . . Oh, god, this is such a NIGHTMARE!"

The dragon flinched, then folded her wings shyly.

"Well . . . Doesn't that mean it's up to us to set things right?"

Raven gulped.

"I . . . I guess so . . . But I don't know if I can face him again."

"Don't you want to make sure that this doesn't happen to anyone else?"

"Of course I do, but . . . It's just so hard."

Elkay twisted her beak.

"Well, can you at least tell me who the murderer is?"

". . . It was my boyfriend."

The dragon winced.

"Yikes. That's awkward. Nevertheless, we gotta stand up for what's right."

"But how? . . ."

She frowned with determination.

"Raven, lemme get real for a second. You're pretty badass. You did a Ghostbusters parody with me when nobody else would. You practiced witchcraft under the tutelage of a spirit. Most importantly, you have purple hair. I'm sure that's relevant somehow. I sincerely believe that there is nothing you can't do if you set your mind to it. You are strong. You are brave. You are a witch, and I believe in you."

Raven considered this for a moment, then brushed her weightless hair away from her cheek.

"Okay. I'll do it."

Elkay beamed.

"Great! We'll book a court for the day after tomorrow."

"Because it's Halloween?"

Elkay smiled sadly.

"No, Raven, because we need time to prepare ourselves. I'm not gonna sacrifice the well-being of my adoptive sister for a bag of candy, tempting as it may be."

Without warning, Raven gave her a ghostly hug.

"Thank you. When this is over, I'm gonna buy you a million Aero bars."

The dragon quirked a brow.

"I hope that's not a hyperbole."

Raven smiled warmly.

"I'll make sure it's not."

"Can we also rent Ghost?"

"I'll download a torrent."

"High definition?"

"If I can find a good file."

"Beautiful. Let the preparations begin! . . . For the legal case, I mean, not movie night."


	2. Part Two

By the morning of November first, Elkay realized that she had no idea what she was doing. She had been called to a court of law many times before, over several decades and under various circumstances, but generally speaking, she had no clue how things were "supposed to happen" in the legal system. She lacked attentiveness in formal situations, and although she had more experience than the average person, what she recalled about her various legal scuffles amounted to the number of wooden panels in specific courts, and the apparent misalignment of various straight lines based on where she happened to be sitting at any given point in the trial. She was always reluctant to admit that her knowledge had limits, but today's mood was different from the usual stubborn pride she maintained. Now, a person's fate was in her hands, and she wasn't even sure she knew what a lawyer was supposed to say or do. She could argue her points under regular circumstances, but if her rhetoric did not conform to the legal process (whatever _that_ was), she could unintentionally screw over her friend and sister. Adoptive sister, technically, though she didn't really believe the distinction was necessary. She was equally aloof when it came to her biological sisters, after all.

"Are you ready?" she asked Raven, hoping the same question wouldn't be directed at her in return.

"No, I'm not ready. I'm scared."

"Don't worry. You won't have to do anything fancy. Just tell the truth, and you'll be fine. It's up to your lawyer to do the lying, which is the hard part."

Raven shook her head.

"No, I mean I'm not emotionally ready. I don't know if I can face my boyfriend again. Biff was pretty aggressive during our last encounter."

"Kind of an understatement, there. He _did_ kill you."

"I know. Believe me, I know. But I'm afraid he's going to get away with it."

Elkay held Raven by the shoulders (or at least pretended to, since she wasn't exactly a solid body).

"Let me tell you something, Raven. Murder is a horrible crime: one of the worst you can commit. There's no way Biff is getting off today. I promise."

Raven took a deep breath.

"I know, but I have a bad feeling . . ."

"Don't worry your pretty, little head about it. I'll handle the tricky stuff. Plus, I have a secret weapon on standby."

"What is it?"

"You'll have to wait and see," Elkay replied, hoping her vagueness wasn't coming off as suspicious.

In reality, she had _no_ secret weapon, and to make matters worse, she didn't have a general plan either. She decided it would be more time-efficient to focus on the case as it was happening, rather than trying to come up with a legitimate escape, since it was unlikely that she'd be able to miraculously salvage the situation in a pinch. The best course of action was to fumble through the trial and hope that the justice system would do the rest.

She continued to strategize/panic/prey until she and Raven reached their seats, which appeared to be cheap folding-chairs. This was more or less congruent with the rest of the decor. The court looked less like a centre for justice and more like a community hall on Bingo Night. Elkay glanced over her shoulder, then from side to side, and finally, addressed the judge, who was deeply immersed in his unsolved Rubik's Cube.

"Are we in the right building?"

He looked up briefly.

"Hm? Oh, yeah. The trial. Right. Bring in the accused."

Biff entered the court, followed by a crowd of men and women, most of whom were on their phones. The only person who seemed interested in the events unfolding was a man who, judging by his outfit and appearance, was Biff's lawyer, and his father as well.

"Is that allowed?" Elkay muttered, "Wouldn't that count as a conflict of interest?"

Raven gave her a helpless shrug.

"We'd better not say anything, since the two of us are related as well."

Elkay nodded. She made her way to the front of the room, where she cleared her throat to get the judge's attention.

"Um, is it okay if I start, Your Honor?"

"Whatever floats your boat."

"Oh, um, okay . . . Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask that you consider the evidence discovered at the scene of the crime, first and foremost. My client was found dead in her room, as the authorities will certainly- Um, hang on, aren't there supposed to be police here? I thought you said they'd be asked to investigate the scene of the crime for traces of DNA or something."

The judge shrugged.

"I talked to the chief of police. He didn't feel like showing up."

"Oh. Well, did he at least send us forensic evidence?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Waste of resources. Investigation is hard. We can't spend time, money, and effort on that kind of thing."

"You won't even run DNA tests?!" Elkay gaped, "How are you supposed to catch the murderer?! What if he has a history? What if he decides to kill again?"

Biff stood up and pointed at the dragon accusingly.

"You rotten reptile! This was a one-time thing! It wasn't even my fault!"

She batted her eyes.

" _Wasn't your fault?_ . . . But you _murdered_ someone!"

Biff's father held his son protectively.

"My boy is not to blame for the effects of alcohol! He was drunk- DRUNK, I TELL YOU! He didn't know what he was doing!"

Elkay scoffed.

"That's a load of bull! If a person's responsible for their actions when they get behind the wheel of a car under the influence of alcohol, how can you say that murder is any different?"

Biff's lip quivered.

"B-b-but Raven was drunk, too! She LET herself get murdered. Why isn't SHE being charged?"

Elkay narrowed her eyes.

"Because you were the one who murdered her? . . ."

"You don't know that!"

The judge waved his Rubik's Cube lazily.

"He has a point, there. How can you be sure that this was a legitimate murder?"

Elkay's jaw dropped.

"Raven is _literally_ a ghost. She can tell you exactly what happened to her."

"She could be lying," the judge argued.

"Why would she lie about being _murdered_?!"

"Plenty of people fake their own deaths."

Elkay pulled her head back, baffled.

"The hell?! So you think that just because a handful of people faked their own deaths, that's the default assumption for ALL murder cases?"

Biff draped himself over the back of his folding chair.

"Oh, you wretched monster! How can you be certain that I'm guilty based on one person's account? Do you realize how damaging this is to my reputation? I'll bet you don't even care that you're ruining my life!"

"Oh, like how you ruined _Raven's_ life by _ending_ it?" she snapped.

The judge slammed his gavel.

"Shut up! I just got a side, and now you're distracting me!"

Elkay trembled with rage. She caught sight of Raven, who was looking rather apprehensive. She offered a quick thumbs-up, even though she knew how painfully obvious it was that things weren't going their way.

"Your Honor, I'd like to point out that regardless of Biff's feelings, what he did was absolutely inexcusable, and-"

"But she _wanted_ me to do it!" Biff growled.

Elkay swivelled her neck.

"Pardon?"

"Raven wanted me to kill her."

Elkay's eyes went wide.

"She . . . She literally _asked_ you?"

Biff coughed gently.

"Well, no. Not literally. But I could _tell_ she wanted it. I mean, she's a goth girl. Death is her thing. Plus, she cosplays as ghosts and zombies all the time. She fantasizes about death, I tell you!"

"But she didn't _ask_ you to do what you did? More importantly, did _you_ ask _her_?"

Biff was quite red in the face.

"Um, no. Not exactly. I mean, I DID ask if I could kill her, and on the thirty-second time, she said 'maybe'."

"Well, unfortunately for you, 'maybe' doesn't mean 'yes'. Just out of curiosity, what did she say before that?"

"She said no. But I'll bet she was just leading me on."

"Was there any indication that this was the case?"

"Well, she looked kind of uncomfortable, but she didn't try to fight back. Not much, anyway."

"Because you had already stabbed me," Raven whispered.

Biff snorted.

"Well, if you _really_ didn't want to die, you would have fought harder."

Elkay frowned.

"Did it occur to you that perhaps she felt threatened or was incapacitated . . . you know, because you were stabbing her?"

Biff rolled his eyes.

"Look, you can try to justify this all you want, but I thought she wanted to die. I mean, we're boyfriend and girlfriend. It isn't murder when you _know_ the person. I mean, if we got married, we'd be discussing funeral plans for sure. Death is just a part of love. If you ask me, it was selfish of her to disrespect my wishes until that night."

"Diresp- YOU LITERALLY MURDERED HER!"

"She LET herself die. I'd even go so far as to say that she was leading me on."

Elkay shook her head.

"So you believe you're free to kill people if you have some vague sense that they MIGHT want it? Don't you think that's something you should be _absolutely_ sure about?"

"Death is natural. So is killing. You can't stop yourself from having urges."

"If you're a psycho, maybe. But it seems to me that you're using a whole bunch of weak-ass excuses to justify your inability to interpret a person's will, and so you flat out ignored Raven's wishes, whether or not that was your intent. I mean, can you at least admit that what you did was wrong?"

He nodded solemnly.

"Of course. I realize now that it was a huge mistake."

"Good. That's-"

"I mean, I had such a bright future, and now I'll be remembered as a murderer. I'm the victim of an unjust and overly-critical society."

Elkay groaned and rubbed the space between her eyes.

"Jesus fucking- YOU DO REALIZE THAT SOMEONE WAS MURDERED, RIGHT?"

"Yeah, but she bled out. That wouldn't have happened if she didn't _want_ to be murdered."

"You're saying that a biological response such as bleeding out delegitimizes the murder?"

"She wouldn't have bled out like that if she wasn't hoping to die. Obviously, on some level, she _wanted_ to be murdered. Even if she _didn't_ , she decided to go out drinking with me that night. She put herself in a dangerous situation. If you don't wanna be murdered, just stay at home where you'll be safe for sure."

"But you said that you were drunk too, so-"

"Look, guys are gonna do what they do. It's in our nature to kill. Why can't girls help us out and make things easier by not putting themselves in these risky situations?"

Elkay winced.

"Dude, it's not normal for guys to murder people. Even if you have the urge to kill, you don't _have_ to go through with it. No one's forcing you. Wouldn't you be upset if a girl did the same to you?"

"Yes! Exactly! We should be focusing on how many girls get away with-"

"Whoah, back off, bud. We're talking about what _you_ did, here. Murder is terrible, no matter who commits the crime, but you can't expect to be let off the hook just because you're one of many."

"Serial killers are worse, though. Don't you wanna persecute _them_?"

"Of course. But you committed murder. It doesn't matter whether or not you were gentler or quicker or less malicious during the act: you've done something terrible, and you need to own up to it. No matter how upset you are that people are gonna think you're a monster- which is perfectly justified, given your actions- the simple fact is that you _killed_ someone, and it's safe to say that her life has been impacted more severely than yours."

Raven avoided making eye contact with Biff, who seemed to resent the fact that she was proving to be a greater obstacle than he had previously anticipated. He glared at her and shook his head with disapproval, then turned to the judge.

"Your Honor, punishing me won't change what happened. I'm usually a pretty nice guy. I've learned my lesson. I won't kill anyone from now on. Prison will only make me feel worse."

The judge shrugged in reply, tossing his mottled puzzle to the side.

"True as that may be, I kinda sorta have to make sure you learn your lesson. Six months."

"Two?"

"Agreed."

He slammed his gavel. Elkay's jaw dropped in horror.

"But he's a murderer!"

"I'm not THAT much of a murderer," Biff grunted, "What happened to Raven was pretty minor. It barely even counts."

His father nodded fiercely.

"Biff is a good kid. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

Elkay turned to Raven, wondering how she'd react, but she didn't seem to have noticed. She stared ahead with despair and hopelessness, and though her face was devoid of recognizable expression, the sheer emptiness of her gaze was enough to channel her sentiments. Elkay decided right then and there that this could not be allowed to continue.

"I refuse to let this happen. I'll- I'll- . . . I'll kidnap the President of the United States and force him to set things right!"

She bounded away, weaving through members of the jury, who spilled out of the courtroom in a din that was alarmingly devoid of objection or commentary. Biff and his father left soon after, shaking hands with the judge and promising to take him out for coffee sometime in the near future. Soon, the room's only occupant was a ghost without spirit.

There, she remained seated for a long time, and then she was gone.

***TJBP***

Elkay returned to court with the captured president, only to find that the trial had been over for quite some time. She called the judge in panic, but he refused to pick up his phone. When it became apparent that it was too late to change the verdict, she apologized to the president and sent him home on the next flight off the island. Disappointed by her failure, she nonetheless found the courage to check up on her sister, who was almost certainly in need of a friend. When she reached the haunted mansion, however, she found a different ghost, who was crying over the still-bloody bed of her deceased pupil. Elkay gulped.

"Madame Mongier, what's wrong? Did Raven tell you what happened? Is she alright?"

The old woman lifted her head. Tears streamed down her cheeks, but failed to wet the bedsheets as they landed.

"Raven is gone. When she realized that he was going to get away with it, she faded into nothingness."

Elkay's ears flattened as she took in this information.

"Gone? . . . Forever? . . ."

"Yes, forever. It's heartbreaking!"

"It is. It truly is."

The ghost wiped her eyes.

"But we mustn't wallow in our sorrows. She wouldn't have wanted us to be so glum. And we must remember that, painful as this may be for us two, Raven has left her own troubles behind. She will no longer be haunted by her misfortune."

Elkay closed her eyes.

"I'm afraid that provides little comfort: although she feels nothing now, there will be others like her. Are they destined to fade away as she did?"

"I don't know. I just don't know."

Elkay sighed.

"Well, I suppose what's done is done. I'll see you around. Goodbye, and I'm sorry."

On her way out the front door, Elkay passed a delivery man. She told him that no one would be able to sign for the package. He didn't know what to do with the order, so she offered to take it off his hands. It sat on her kitchen shelf for days. Finally, she decided to dispose of its contents.

She had no use for a box of chocolate bars.


End file.
